parenting style

By Paul Anderson

The lady had briskly left her seat about midway in the center section of the church pews and had taken her nine year old son by the hand and removed him from his seat on the front row. At first I thought her action meant on the spot punishment for the boy or at best his longest reprieve would be until she got him out the front door of the church.

My assumption concerning the woman’s intentions proved to be one hundred percent wrong. Her anger was not directed toward the boy she was now leading out the door of the sanctuary: it was toward me. The unmistaken evidence of this was not only the icy stare she had given me as she had glared at me behind the pulpit but also her verbal outburst as she walked out the door. “No one is going to talk to MY child like that!”

My words had triggered this incident in the packed church where I was speaking. I had performed several feats of strength and was about eight minutes into my message when it became absolutely necessary to speak to the group of boys on the first pew concerning their conduct. They were progressively getting out of hand and beginning to disturb the entire service. The apparent leader of the misbehavior was the lady’s son who was offended by my mild scolding, which went something like this: “Fellows, settle down. Remember you are in the Lord’s house.”

I am always reluctant to correct young people in the audience, because I know there is a possibility that it will be embarrassing for their parents or the audience as a whole. Regardless of my feelings in this matter, if we were to continue the worship service, my reprimand was necessary. When the woman retrieved her son and chastened me with such a fiery tongue lashing, I realized a direct rebuttal from me was essential in order to salvage the remainder of the service. I knew there was a possibility that the other boys’ parents might follow the outraged lady’s example, which would destroy the entire evening. After a two second prayer for guidance, I said, “We can protect and even rescue our children from situations brought on by their misbehavior when they are small and the transgression is minor, but, we cannot deliver them out of a prison when they grow up.”

Now came the critical time. What would be the congregation’s reaction to my remark? Would they all walk out? Could I expect a silent and “zombie-like” audience for the remainder of the service? No! I immediately heard several loud “amens” from all over the building and the rest of the evening was “spiritually enthusiastic,” to say the least.

As parents, we need to know how other adults see our children. Other adults are not blinded by the love and protective instinct we possess. By listening to the way teachers, coaches, spiritual leaders, and other interested adults see our boys and girls, we will be better equipped to guide and direct them.

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Trampled by Phones

I have to admit it: I have wanted the new Apple iPhone since it came out! The product looks cool, fun, and has lots of neat toys. Apparently, I’m not the only one who wanted one or who has been caught up in the buzz. Tens of thousands of people were expected to get in line when the first generation of iPhones came out, and the bets were down. A gambling website put the odds at 20/1 that someone would be trampled in an effort to grab one of these new devices.

The release of the iPhone, Blackberry, and a host of others merely captures and brings together what the market has demanded for some time: a phone that acts just like a computer, works like an iPod, and is as portable. But really, should we be surprised that Apple brought together what every other software and computer company has been either eyeing or working on for years? Cell phones will function just like your PC at work or home.

And the market is huge! Consider the cell phone market:

• The total number of mobile phone subscribers in the world is estimated at 2.7 billion.

• At the end of 2005, the total number of cell phone users in the United States was 207.9 million, and growing at 14% a year.
• Over 90 million new subscribers in the U.S. are expected in the next 4 years.

The U.S. cell phone market was considered fully saturated this year. People using their cell phones will find them easier to use and begin to expect the cellular networks to support the functions that they see in their PC. Phones will mimic computers. Why? Because for companies like Apple, Microsoft, and a host of others, the cell phone market represents an opportunity. There is an enormous demand for the product they are going to supply.

Think about what cell phones can already do. The array of options is staggering. You can: take and receive a picture, capture and/or view videos (iPods and MP3 players do this as well), text message, access the internet, watch TV, download a ring tone, listen to music, manage your calendar, view maps, get audio directions, receive and send e-mails. Apple has been proud to announce that their iPhone has a special YouTube player that will allow you to browse and upload videos whenever you want, wherever you are!

Great! Or not so great? Where do these photos and videos taken on one’s phone end up? The internet and now your phone. When Saddam Hussein was executed, it was a cell phone that took the video of that event. How long did it take after he was hung to hit liveleak.com and then the news outlets…less than 45 minutes! Camera/video phones have caused such controversy that they are being banned from certain locations because:

• In some classrooms, people have taken photos of tests, which were then e-mailed
• At some gyms, daycares, public swimming pools, and malls, candid shots have been taken and circulated for more than questionable purposes
• Courts have banned them to keep proceedings private

• Ironically, Apple banned camera phones at their shareholders’ meeting for privacy reasons

Phones are even being used to create what is called a Moblog, a combination of the word mobile and blog. Moblogs are now a way that a user can post pictures and videos and allow others to view life through their eyes as they go about doing

whatever they are doing. In time, it will be another MySpace environment, but on phones. In fact, it’s already here.

Telsus Canada, a wireless company was offering pornographic downloads via phone. That’s old news because the market was already there. Forecasters estimate the mobile pornography market will reach 2.3 billion dollars worldwide by 2010, next year. Are we surprised?

We are now in a generation where just putting a computer in the family room to protect what your children access will not nearly be enough. So shouldn’t parents, who are concerned about what is on the internet, also be prepared to think: what is my child doing on his cell phone? How many cell phones do you have in your household? 1, 2, 3, 4, or more?

Recently, I was at the dentist where I was listening to several ladies talk about how technology was over their heads. One made the comment that even her daughter’s cell phone was getting too complicated. After listening for awhile, I asked if she knew that objectionable content could be viewed on a phone. Her response was that ironically enough, the other day she was standing next to her daughter when a message came in with a pornographic picture. When she asked her daughter about it, the response was that it happens from time to time, and her mother should not worry.

You cannot afford to let technology be over your head or let it happen from time to time. With the latest trends in cell phones combining voice, video, and data, this blending of information has become entertainment. Cell phones are center-stage in the evolving trend of mobile “infotainment.”

So let’s be clear about it – the latest cell phones are not just used for talking anymore. Don’t get trampled by what your children are doing on their cell phones!

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In writing this, I do not want to come off like a prude. Certainly, I would never describe myself in that way but given how people dress, adorn themselves, and talk these days, I am, without a doubt, no longer hip. Of course, that would assume that I once was, but given the emerging sense of style, I would say that I am officially out of it, clueless really. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.

So given that fashion and language are an expression of “who we are,” there is always a new trend to follow.  But does expressing ourselves in these ways really make us unique?

What does make us unique?  Certainly, we all want to be individuals, we are, after all, each different.  The world would be a very dull and ordinary place if we were all the same.  But is how we dress, what we do to our bodies, and how we talk, really make us who we are?  Is this what makes us unique?  A simple cliche comes to mind: “you are what you eat.” Does that mean I am piece of broccoli if that’s what I eat or does it mean I merely like broccoli.  The same is true for the cliche “you are what you wear.”  How I talk, dress, or decorate my body does not make me unique, just as eating broccoli doesn’t make me a piece of broccoli.

In reality, our efforts to express ourselves, to be an individual are shaped more by others than we want to think.  While how we talk and what we wear may in fact express something about ourselves, more often than not, it is largely influenced by what others are doing, not me being “unique.”  A 10 year old girl with her belly pierced, a tight midriff shirt, and shorts that say “PINK” on the bottom is not expressing her individuality.  In fact, she is conforming to what others around her are doing.  In the end, the things we wear, how we talk, and now, how we decorate our bodies, things intended to make ourselves “different,” really end up making us less unique and more like what everyone else appears to be doing.  As conformity reigns, we trend towards being less and less unique and so in an effort to be different, to be known, the more audacious and vulgar of this generation becomes the norm of the next.

Our sense of what is acceptable or vulgar changes over time.  It also varies from culture to culture.  This is certainly true in the language we use and what is considered profane.  Things that are offensive now become less and less offensive over time.  Think of the language that is now permitted on television.  A few years ago, most cuss words were edited over.  Now, words that used to be considered profane are allowed.  The reason is simple, they are no longer considered culturally offensive.  The standard has changed.  Society has changed.

Our individuality will never be found in outward appearances. What makes us unique is the fact that we were each individually created by God, in His image. God is infinitely unique and as such, He is the ultimate trend setter. We are commanded to “be transformed into His image” not the image of current societal trends.

Trends will continue to change and there will always be people with opinions. So, encourage your children to be truly unique, not because of what they wear but because of who they are and what they do. Teach them to treat others with love and respect no matter what their appearance. Talk to your kids about their choices they are making and the reasons behind them. Show them true character through your actions. Parenting is all about setting boundaries and teaching your children to respect them. Those boundaries must be based on Biblical principles which will never change.

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Cell phones are everywhere. Just take a stroll around your local mall and try to count how many people are using their cells phones as they walk around. My guess is it will be so high you’ll loose count.

Younger and younger children are now using cell phones. If your child doesn’t have a cell phone, more than likely some of the kids they hang around do.

Parents need to know what is available on their children’s cell phones. What can be accessed wirelessly, downloaded, viewed, etc. Many parents don’t know that children are using their cell phones much more than to just make a call.

Here are some current trends on cell phones:

1. They are becoming more and more like a mobile computer everyday. So the same risks that your children have online will transfer to the cell phone.

2. Next year, the U.S. cell phone market will be considered fully saturated. That means everyone in this country will have or had access to cell phones.

3. SPAM, both for business and the Adult industry will be more prevalent on cell phones

4. Dangerous social networking sites for teens such as My Space, Facebook, Twitter, etc can be accessed fully with cell phones.

5. Privacy will become more an more an issue. Video cameras and cameras on phones are already an issue, but Moblogs (mobile weblogs) will allow users to share every aspect of their everyday lives.

6. Cell phone addiction will become a serious problem

7. Access to pornography will be easier. Gone are the days of a playboy under the bed. Now any kind of filth is available online. Adult content is moving to mobile access.

8. Cell phone communication, texting, sexting, etc…allows the user to communication without any real consequences of face to face communication. Newest studies say that one in five teens have sent nude or partially nude photos of themselves.

9. CyberBulling is now using texting and social networking to become a greater threat to children.

10. Parents are behind in the technological curve. Most children have a better understanding of what their cell phones are capable of than their parents.

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