parenting style

Too frequently, our prayers are general and lack careful thought or Biblical arguments. “Lord, bless Johnny and keep him safe today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” There is nothing wrong with praying for God’s blessing on our son or daughter or asking God to protect him or her. However, our prayers often stop there. They lack specificity that should arise from our loving and careful observation of our children. They also lack our intentional and meditative consideration of the particular traits that are part of who our child is and is becoming. What are his or her struggles, strengths, and weaknesses? We need to be as dedicated to prayer as an attorney is to the case that he desires to win. As we earnestly come before our Heavenly Father, He helps us know what and how to pray for our children. We want to consider what He would say about our child and ourselves. As we pray with the Bible open before us God speaks to us through His Word. We will in this manner increase our knowledge of Him, ourselves and our children. Jesus knew firsthand the necessity of prayer. We need to know it as well.

We are promised in Proverbs 22:6: “if we train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Chuck Swindoll’s interpretation of “in the way he should go” means more than training our children in spiritual virtues. It means discovering their particular calling or “bent.” What has God placed in our child’s personality? What are his or her abilities? What is the “bent” of his or her heart and mind reflecting his or her peculiar gifts? We as parents need to look for his or her “bent” and pray this into reality, so that when he or she grows older, he or she will answer God’s call and be used for His glory.

God has given us covenant promises concerning our home and our children. A covenant has two parts, blessings and curses. God tells us if we obey His precepts and keep His commandments, He will bless not only us but also our children. However, if we do not obey Him, not only we parents, but also our children and future generations, will be cursed instead of blessed. (Genesis 9:9, 17:7, 18:19, Deuteronomy 6, Psalm 103, Luke 1:50, 72-75, Acts 2:39, 1 Corinthians 7:14)

All parents have had fears about losing their children, as when walking in a crowded mall or their innocently wandering away from home. We have worried about accidents that might potentially affect them and sometimes fear their moving far away. This often arises because we fear that we will not see them or our grandchildren as much as we would like. From the time they are infants, we should pray for God’s will in their lives and that He would use them for His glory. That may mean that He will call them to be missionaries in a foreign country. It may mean that God will choose to call them home to heaven at a young age. In any case, we must remember that they are the Lord’s. Our prayers for them should reflect that truth. We must entrust our children back to God. They can be in no better hands.

It is never too early to begin praying for a godly spouse for your child, a life’s partner who would walk with him or her in the faith and be an encouragement to his or her growth in grace. If God has not called your son or daughter to be single, the most important human relationship he or she will have in life is the one in which Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church, is to be reflected. Marriage is ideally a testimony of the way Christ loves us and sacrificed Himself for His people (Ephesians 5:21-33). Parents know personally how important the relationship of husband and wife is to every other relationship, and to the joy and fulfillment of life. Earnestly asking God to show your son or daughter the best tools of godly discernment in choosing a marriage partner is a critical element in seeking the righteousness of not only your “child” but also his or her children (Psalm 103:17-18). Our children and their children are a treasured object of God’s covenant promises to believing parents. We parents bear a vital responsibility in the development of our children’s discernment in the choosing of a life’s partner. This partner will be the father or mother of our grandchildren, as well as our “child’s” most intimate companion for his or her life. Our praying for this from conception onward will cause your heart and mind to be attuned at the appropriate times to those specific godly truths you can teach and exemplify in helping them grasp and treasure romance, marriage, and family.

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As a parent, our greatest treasure is the child God has entrusted to us. We cannot make a more lasting investment than the spiritual qualities we nurture in our children. No other person holds a more influential key to molding our children than you have as a mother or father. Others may influence our children’s lives for good and for eternity, but God has created in every child a desire to look to his or her parents for love, security, and direction unlike any other people in his or her life. We have been given an amazing power to influence and affect our children. Along with power comes responsibility. God holds you and me accountable for our stewardship of these lives. We should be earnest prayer warriors on their behalf.

Our children have an enemy. He seeks to steal, kill, and destroy the life and the plans that God has for each one of them. This should spur us on to daily lift up our children in prayer to the Father. If you knew that someone was harassing or physically harming your children, you would do everything in your power to protect them. It should be more of our concern to protect their spiritual well-being than their physical health. We parents have the same enemy they do: an enemy who does not want us to pray for our children.

You and I would never send our children out in the cold without a coat. Yet, on a regular basis, we send them out into the world without spiritual armor. In Ephesians 6:10-20, we read about the spiritual armor, which is essential for each member of the body of Christ, regardless of age. I have a dear friend in the Caribbean who never allows his children to leave home without prayerfully placing each piece of armor on them. Because we are often in a rush so we won’t be late, this spiritual exercise sounds a bit tedious. Would you go out or allow your child to leave home naked? The reality of spiritual warfare should cause us to pause and consider the importance of our prayers for our children.

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Character involves many things from being a person of faith, to someone who works hard, who abides by their commitments and responsibilities, who has come into their own sense of themselves and their worth. However, the true character of a person is who they are when no one else is watching. It is in the little things that true character manifests itself.

For instance, if a salesperson gives you too much change, do you go back to the store and return the correct amount, or rationalize: “It was his/her mistake, not mine.” Deceit is one of those behaviors that uncovers a deep root of dishonor which, if not checked, will grow into a major character flaw that will destroy every aspect of a person’s life.

As parents, we should not tolerate deceit in any form from our children. If left unchecked, it will be a major flaw in your child’s interactions with others.

This requires us as parents to be very alert to deceitful behavior at any age. Does your child embellish the truth? Do they tell you they are going one place, only to find they were not there at all? Do they tell you what they think you want to hear, and then do whatever they want to do? Some parents say, “Sure, my child lies occasionally…but he’s basically a good kid.”

There IS no occasional lie. Even the smallest one belies an internal character flaw: a lack of honor and integrity. Their word not only means nothing…but worse, he does not care. At the Paul Anderson Youth Home, after the first instance of deceit, we may opt for counseling rather than punishment, to explain God’s principles of character and honor, and then issue a clear warning that there will be severe consequences if the behavior continues. If it does, we follow through with holding the young man accountable. By clearly communicating your standards and expectations, you can begin to develop a trust relationship based on their character.  But if they are deceitful, there can be no trust, which is foundational to all relationships.

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By Glenda Anderson

The first five years are critical in a child’s overall development.  Within this time frame, a child can embrace one of two realities:  he/she grows up experiencing love and security and trust in his parents or he/she is not held and nurtured… he/she is placed in the arms of strangers who are not connected to him/her… his/her family is torn apart by rancor, insecurity, turmoil, abuse, alcoholism, divorce… he/she lives with step-parents in whom he/she feels no bond and step-siblings whose presence threaten his/her place with his natural parent.

If seeds of love, security, and trust are planted early, the child’s inner spirit is literally welcomed into life, which can be seen in his/her face.  He/she is a child who knows within the depth of his/her being that he/she is cherished and wanted.   The other type of child; however, like many of those who come to the Paul Anderson Youth Home, grows up with an emotional vacuum or hole in his/her heart, and by the time he is a teenager, that vacuum is filled with rage.  That hole will be filled with something.  Often that something is drugs, or sex, or food, or anything, that will seemingly cover the emptiness, but without love, security, and trust, that emptiness will remain.  To be a diligent parental steward, you must invest into your child’s life.  If you do this during the first five years, you will reap the dividends of that investment as your child goes through the difficult teen years.

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