July 2009

By Glenda Anderson

My heart is deeply burdened today for the loss of “parenting skills” in this generation of young people who have become parents.  They have not learned God’s Word, so they do not understand His directives in the “How To” of the seeds they plant as they mold their children.

I believe that much of the child’s molding will take place during the first five years of his life. Therefore, it is imperative to plant the seeds in this precious young child that will produce the greatest harvest.

I often see young children who “talk back” to their parents with no understanding of the disrespect they are exhibiting: they have not been taught the meaning of respect.  At these times, it is very evident to me that the parents have not been consistent in their “seed planting.” Allowing children to be disobedient is a great disservice to them. Requiring respect provides wonderful security for them to trust and rest in their parent’s decisions as they grow older. This will also have a great impact on those to whom they will go with their fears, problems, and concerns later in life, as well as, whether or not they will have respect for the laws of our land.

Many times, I have heard the term that we  must “pick our battles.” Perhaps, for some this works, though I do not feel that it holds true. If the relationship between the parent and child is healthy and positive, as it should be, then there will be mutual respect with fewer battles and respect for those in authority.  I am not implying that by raising your child in this manner, there will be no trials, only that it will be a more joyful journey.

This type of training starts very soon after a child is born. With heartfelt love and affection, the babe is nurtured. He must have a great deal of his parents’ attention and time, so that bonding, which brings forth security and trust, is established. The most important principle in this process is consistency. A parent’s “yes” must mean “yes,” and “no” mean “no”! Otherwise, the son or daughter can easily become a manipulator. God blesses us with His trust when He gives us a child to mold for Him. That is an awesome responsibility!

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Part 2
By Steven Leonard

What we say to our children must convince them of our love and care for them! It must set an example for them of what they say to one another, to others, and back to us. Babies learn to speak by copying the words you speak to them. Children never lose that copying instinct. They will copy your words and your behavior, especially when it conforms to their sinful nature. Words spoken in love and truth will also be copied, but even so our children are born in sin and struggle with a sinful nature. Words of love never appease wrongdoing and disobedience. That is not love! It is what the Bible defines as hate. The word “hate” in the ancient Hebrew is also the word for “ignore.” When you ignore sin in your children you really hate them, not love them.

It is a great responsibility, is it not? Are we really up to the task? I am convinced that it begins with our having an awe of God. Something must seriously get our attention, and nothing does it better than being awed with the God who is, and who is our God! Second, is the view we have of ourselves, a sinner saved by grace. We are not perfect, even when redeemed. We will sin. And we will sin in our parenting. Third, is the view we have of our children, immortal beings for whom we are stewards; stewards who will have to give account for our parenting of them. Finally, we must consider the promises which God gives to parents concerning the upbringing of their children.

Unfortunately, the reality of this life and the circumstances of each day, do a great job of helping us forget all of the above. We are creatures who are always in great need of reminding and refreshment, else we quickly fall into the miry pit, which David speaks of in the Psalms. John Bunyan calls it, “the slough of despond.” And we cannot seem to get ourselves out. Then the words come fast and furious, without thought, off the cuff, and certainly devoid of any awe of God. Unfortunately, once a word is spoken, we cannot reach out and catch it before it reaches the ears, the hearts, and the minds of any in our presence. We can always ask forgiveness. That goes a long way to repairing wounds. But still, sometimes the words are not forgotten.

Thankfully, we are refreshed by promises like that in Lamentations 3:22-23, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!” And that is exactly what we as parents must do. We must go to the Lord every morning to refresh our mind in these truths, or else the circumstances of the day will destroy our good intentions. Each day must begin with time in God’s Word, praying for ourselves, our spouses, our children, and restoring our awe of God. Only such devotion will temper our tongue, and aid us in bringing it into captivity to Christ.

Your words to your children must be timely and consistent. Timeliness and consistency requires discipline. Weariness, without the energy from the Holy Spirit to fortify you, is a sure killer of discipline. Children should learn not to interrupt, but they must be heard and listened to with some timeliness. Patience must be taught, but we all know that patience comes only with maturity, so we must not push their patience beyond their years.

What we say to our children must be consistent with the principle that our “yes” means “yes,” and our “no” means “no!” When that is not the case, children will quickly understand that your “no” does not always mean “no.” Then they will figure out how to change your “no” to “yes.” Crying, whining, temper tantrums, ignoring you, are all methods that children rapidly learn to get their way. If that works for them consistently, they will soon be uncontrollable. When parents do that, they are not expressing love to their child. Rather, giving your child whatever he or she selfishly wants, but does not need, expresses hate.

The Bible promises in Proverbs, “Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” ( Proverbs 22:6) Charles Swindoll once wrote that this speaks to a parent who through careful and prayerful observation figures out the particular “bent” of their child; that is, his or her calling, God-given gifts and abilities, to pursue a specific vocation in life. Then the parent encourages that calling and “bent,” consistent with the principles of godliness, to the end that when that child is old, he or she will not depart from it. What you say to your child should be an encouragement to live a godly life consistent with how God has made him or her. Do not seek to live out your life and calling through your child, if that is not his or her “bent.”

Finally, what you say to your child should not bring you any regret if either you or your child will possibly stand before God in heaven that day. None of us knows “that day.” Consequently, we must always keep before our eyes that possibility. What you say is important, vitally important. Words have meaning, and they leave their mark. Speak words that count for eternity in their lives in a good and godly way. Stand in awe of God and remember His compassion. When you fail, go to Him again. He never fails to restore those who consistently seek Him.

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Part 1
By Stephen Leonard

So what do we say to our children; we who certainly lack perfection; we who become weary; we who are quickly frustrated; we who battle with selfishness; we who never experience days of complete contentment with everything and everyone around us? What do we say to them when we say goodbye for a short time? What do we say when we put them to bed? What do we say when they lie to us? What do we say when they do something wrong, or irresponsible, or irritating, or whatever? What do we say to them when we are bored with them, or tired of them, or do not know what to do with them?

There are many lessons we can draw from 9/11. As we near the 8th anniversary of this “act of war” and atrocity, we will have another opportunity to hear numerous opinions of what we have or can learn from this specter of humanity’s evil, as well as the “good” that can come out of such horror. Peggy Noonan, former President Reagan’s speech writer and a contributing editor of the Wall Street Journal, in the past has reminded us of a particularly poignant lesson we all can learn from this tragic event.

Ms. Noonan wrote that she was awed by the messages emanating from phone calls or left on answering machines for those not at home. These calls and messages came from people about to die, and were sent to their loved ones. Many others had no opportunity to make that “last call,” or say those final words. Noonan was struck, however, by the substance of the calls and messages that got through. What she wrote was, “Life was reduced to its essentials. Time was short. People said what counted, what mattered…there is no record of anyone calling to say, ‘I never liked you,’ or, ‘You hurt my feelings.’ Amazingly—or not—there is no record of anyone damning the terrorists or saying ‘I hate them.’” Essentially, the messages were what Noonan entitled her editorial, “I Just Called to Say I Love You.”

Her excellent point was that, “Crisis is a great editor. No one said anything unneeded, extraneous or small.” This is analogous to the advice of Solomon in Ecclesiastes: “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words…Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore, stand in awe of God.” (5:2-3,7)

Now, you say, this speaks of words said to God, not to our children, or to those we love. Still, we must remember, all words spoken by us are spoken before the eyes and ears of an omniscient and omnipresent God. He is all knowing, and He is everywhere. We must remember this, and stand in awe. In other words our actions, our thoughts, our words must be tempered by our awe of God. If this is believed in our head and in our heart, then we might edit Noonan’s premise to say, “The awe of God is a great editor, even more than crisis.”

James tells us with fearful precision, “The tongue is a fire; a world of evil among the parts of the body…No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:6,8) The tongue can do inestimable damage. Coupled with the amazing recall of the mind, words spoken years before can be remembered over and over, and in some cases, never forgotten. Have we considered who it is that are the recipients of our words? As parents we have responsibility for immortal beings, our children. When considered in its full context this is an amazing thought, too difficult to fully comprehend. Nevertheless, it is true.

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By Glenda Anderson

The goal of discipline is to teach children four key principles of living a life pleasing to God:

1. Conviction realizing where we have gone wrong;
2. Confession asking God’s forgiveness for our wrong behavior;
3. Forgiveness claiming what God freely offers;
4. Change Behavior practicing the new principles God shows us.

Therefore, an observant parent should keep an eye on the child while he/she is being punished: so that the parent detects the moment that the child recognizes his/her wrong behavior and is genuinely remorseful. At this time, the child is most susceptible to being taught. It is then that he/she realizes that he/she will be punished again if the same behavior occurs. While a young man is being punished at the Paul Anderson Youth Home, the staff member often talks to the boy, saying something like, “It wouldn’t be fair to let you get away with what you did. I want you to understand that I care enough about you to make sure you learn this lesson.” In that way, punishment is doled out in an atmosphere of love…which is the way God instructs us to discipline.

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